[Oonie]

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after
the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and
I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to
be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want
Wit my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my
rules.

Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .........
Whether you're here or not."

(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
Wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
That reads:
Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " "Yeah?" she replies.
"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************



Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you
are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make
Amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
Husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?" She says I was
was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)


Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He
is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts
right back,” Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

**************************************

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next
morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."



Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

[Podge]

I like the little comment at the end!

[Oonie]

It is not a direct quote from me but obviously from some very wise woman!!!

Never was a truer word spoken lol

[Shannon]

he he he women eh! Masterminds of the 20th century and beyond!

Thanks Oonie, they were funny

[Mella]

Hahah that they were great. This one cracked me up.

Originally Posted by Oonie

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
Wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
That reads:
Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " "Yeah?" she replies.
"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

[x0x_JoAnNe_x0x]

Originally Posted by Oonie

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next
morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

hehe i love this one oonie u are just the bomb!! they were absolutely hilarious!! and i like this one cuz it shows we dont let men get away with anything xxx

[Smilina]

HAHA!!! 2nd one is !!! Love it (all of them)