[Marlyn]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

[Mella]

That was a cracker! Keep 'em coming, daddy!

[Susanc]

ha ha ha ha aha ha hab ahahahhaahahhah

god that was hilarious have to print it off

xx sue

[Wendy]

LOL
I made a copy and put it up in the store, my customers are all walking out with a big smile on their face....

Great stuff!!

[Hephaestion]

Bløødy gøød - excellent!

[Marlyn]

a bloke dies an goes to heaven when he gets there st peter says what you doing here. you have died before your time .
what happens now says the man .
well says st peter you got two choices you can stay or you can go back til your time is up .
if you choose the second you gotta promise no sex. no gambling and no booze then when you come back you can come in.
so he picks the second one.

ten years later he dies proper. goes to heaven sees st peter. he says welcome back have you been good.

the bloke says yes but once i had sex with my wife. she was bending over getting dinner out of the freezer and i could see her pubes out the side of her panties, i was overcome with lust. so i shagged her right there on the freezer.
well says st peter is that it.
yes the man says does that mean I’m banned from heaven.
no says st peter.
thats good says the man cos i was banned from Tesco’s