[**claire**]

(sorry hep, i couldnt resist!!)

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.

How many children?" asks the council worker?

"10" replies the Essex girl

"10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"

"Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout

WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the Essex girl..."I just use their surnames"


An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter.

"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." She says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"No" she replies."This time it's mayonnaise."


an Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.

The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"

Girl: "OK"

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Sharon."

Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"

Sharon: "Yes."

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Sharon: "Romford, mate."


Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere.

The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."

Sharon: "Ok."

Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"

Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"


An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.

She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?"

So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,

"Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me roight foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot"

"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them.

[Mella]

HAHAHAHAHA

Cor blimey ya avin a larf int ya! 'erd em all before, but they still crack me up.

Lmao @ The two Essex Girls Mella & Heph.

ha ha ha

Nice 1 Claire!

We're the White Stiletto brigade Hephy!

[Hephaestion]

Those were brilliant Claire!

Mella and I are both Essex Girls and we´re proud of it!


U know the worrying thing about it´s so trueeee..
My god u should spend a friday/saturday night in Harwich! The things you hear and see at around midnight!

[Umit]

lol !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Marlyn]

ha ha ha nice one claire just hope its not raceist cause they must be a different race to the rest of us

[Hephaestion]

Originally Posted by Umit

lol !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah, yeah, yeah Umit! Don´t rub it in!

I´ll get something on Claire yet...don´t you worry!
I´m filing my nails as we speak (running nails slowly down the drawing board - making that excrutiating sound)

I think we are a race to our own, Marlyn (why do I always get this urge to call you Marilyn???).

[chocolatehoney]

Hahaha, love em!!

[**claire**]

Originally Posted by Hephaestion

I´ll get something on Claire yet...don´t you worry!
I´m filing my nails as we speak (running nails slowly down the drawing board - making that excrutiating sound)

ohh i cant wait!!

you'll never find any dirt on me hun!!!

[Mella]

Originally Posted by Hephaestion

I´ll get something on Claire yet...don´t you worry!
I´m filing my nails as we speak (running nails slowly down the drawing board - making that excrutiating sound)

Hahah i'll help you.

Let's get her!!

Originally Posted by Hephaestion

I think we are a race to our own, Marlyn (why do I always get this urge to call you Marilyn???).

LMAO, I get the same urge to call him Marilyn aswell!! bwhaha...Just call him by his real name -Mark, it's much easier on our poor brains, babe.

[Hephaestion]

Originally Posted by **claire**

you'll never find any dirt on me hun!!!

Hmmm......eye spy with my right lazy eye....Mella and I have dispatched a private D:ck (American expression - get your head out of the gutter ) and well we are going to rendezvous with him at 00:00 hrs by the lamp post next to that tawdry brothel!

Mella - LMAO, I get the same urge to call him Marilyn aswell!! bwhaha...Just call him by his real name -Mark, it's much easier on our poor brains, babe.

Our poor little fish´n chip/ Vodka & tonic drinkin` Essex brains.