FW: Awful jokes - but I bet you will laugh at at least one > > Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. > Unfortunately, one was a salted. > ______________ > A jump lead walks into a bar. > The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." > ______________ > A dyslexic man walks into a bra. > ______________ > Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. > The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. > ______________ > Two cannibals are eating a clown. > One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" > ______________ > Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor. > The Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." > ______________ > "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." > "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." > "Is it common?" > "Well........It's not unusual........." > ______________ > A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. > The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." > ______________ > Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. > One says, "I think I've lost an electron." > The other says, "Are you sure?" > The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive." > ______________ > Answer phone message: > "If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..." > ______________ > A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " > "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." > So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. > Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." > "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " > "No, because he's really heavy." > ______________ > Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. > And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. > It's either my mum or my dad. > Or my older brother Colin. > Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. > But I think it's Colin. > ______________ > I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. > ______________ > My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. > He was pulled in by a strong currant. > ______________ > A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. > He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" > The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms" > ______________ > I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week and pulled a > mussel. > ______________ > Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in > the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your > kayak and heat it too. > ______________ > A man walks into a doctor's office. > "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. > "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises," replies the man. > "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" > "Like a glove." > ______________ > Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with > hundreds and thousands. > Police say that he topped himself.