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Terrible jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by johnny c, May 4, 2007.

  1. johnny c Kusadasi Fan

    FW: Awful jokes - but I bet you will laugh at at least one

    > Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble.
    > Unfortunately, one was a salted.
    > ______________
    > A jump lead walks into a bar.
    > The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
    > ______________
    > A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
    > ______________
    > Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
    > The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
    > ______________
    > Two cannibals are eating a clown.
    > One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
    > ______________
    > Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor.
    > The Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
    > ______________
    > "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
    > "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
    > "Is it common?"
    > "Well........It's not unusual........."
    > ______________
    > A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
    > The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
    > ______________
    > Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
    > One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
    > The other says, "Are you sure?"
    > The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
    > ______________
    > Answer phone message:
    > "If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
    > ______________
    > A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,
    is there anything you can do for him? "
    > "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
    > So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
    > Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
    > "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
    > "No, because he's really heavy."
    > ______________
    > Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
    > And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
    > It's either my mum or my dad.
    > Or my older brother Colin.
    > Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
    > But I think it's Colin.
    > ______________
    > I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
    find any.
    > ______________
    > My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
    > He was pulled in by a strong currant.
    > ______________
    > A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
    > He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
    > The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"
    > ______________
    > I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week and pulled a
    > mussel.
    > ______________
    > Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
    > the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
    > kayak and heat it too.
    > ______________
    > A man walks into a doctor's office.
    > "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
    > "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises," replies the man.
    > "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
    > "Like a glove."
    > ______________
    > Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
    > hundreds and thousands.
    > Police say that he topped himself.
  2. DeluxeFX